kengr

Reading a long post elsewhere with lots of folks chiming in about their (rational) fear of vioilence from men triggered things.

At the risk of getting accused of hijacking a topic (and the associated accusations of privelege, etc)...

I'm an abuse survivor. Which means I understand parts of this on a level that folks who've never been abused are never going to understand.

Growing up with a mother who'd lose it and start flailing away at whichever one of use she was mad at (fortunately never with anything more dangerous than a wooden yardstick or a switch) means that even 40+ years after I got out of that hoiuse, I *still* cringe at certain tones of voice. Or other things that are triggering.

Mind you, worst I ever got were some welts or bruises. And I (and other abused folks I've talked with agree) don't consider it to have been physical abuse. What she did wasn't any worse than stuff that ever teachers were allowed to do for discipline back then. It was the "out of control" that was scary.

That, combined with the constant stream of "not good enough" type messages she kept drumming into me was the real abuse. Emotional abuse.

So even though I am a large (potentially) scary, male-bodied person, I actually *do* understand folks being scary. And I was floored the first time somebody pointed out that I could be seen as threatening.

But yeah, I'll admit that I can be perceived that way. And given my triggers, I know there's no real hope of getting folks who don't know me well to *not* see me as a potential threat.

But...

Just try to understand that even big "scary" "male" types can be scared of "violent" behavior, even "just" anger.

And also keep in mind that sometimes abusers are women or mothers.